Watching Bollywood growing up, I aspired to be one of the girls on the screen, floating in gorgeous lehengas. It’s a dream many brown girls have, to be bold enough to be able to pave their own path whether it be by dancing with no judgement or pursuing an atypical career. There is a word in Hindi that perfectly describes these women, “bindaas.” It is used to describe girls who are bold and pave their own path despite society’s expectations. That dream of being “bindaas” always felt too far. Instead, wearing a lehenga was always uncomfortable. I was never as pretty or elegant as those girls and therefore, that made me less brown. The heavily ornate lehengas I had to wear were shipped directly from India and would never quite match my vision of looking like a Bollywood actress. Many Desi girls just want to dance in our clothing like the musical numbers often depicted in Bollywood Films but not be weighed down with the traditional heavy fabric, or prices.

Millie Barman’s company Desi Is Me is the perfect brand providing “elegant silhouettes for the modern Desi girl”, giving young girls the ability to embrace their culture without compromising comfort and style. 

While meeting Barman in a socially distant interview, Barman reflects on the reason why she started Desi Is Me: “There'd be like a family Diwali event, a cousin's wedding or something. [In finding suitable, South Asian attire], I encountered multiple problems.  [One] option is you go to India but a lot of lehengas, and just Indian outfits [in general], are catered towards brides. And I felt like, what about the rest of us?  I just didn't want something very heavy and ornate. [I wanted] something that was for the young American Indian girl.”

Along with feeling out of place at traditional South Asian events, many Desi girls are insecure about wearing clothes that don’t represent their bicultural experiences. Clothing can often reflect who we are on the inside and can be like wearing our personality on our sleeves. For immigrant communities, finding clothes that reflect how we are on the inside can be difficult because we are often torn between our bicultural identities. 

“There's not a lot you can do to prove that you're passionate about being South Asian. I'll talk about loving Bollywood and it's like, 'that's what you think is a representation of India?'But there's only so much you can do outside of [South Asia], right? Clothing, especially, is one of the few outlets that can show [our passion] for our South Asian culture,” Barman adds on the importance clothing has to her. 

From lighting traditional candles known as diyas to taking part in prayer ceremonies, festivals such as Diwali makes me more connected to my ancestral roots. However, when I get the words to a prayer wrong or forget about the meaning of a specific word, some family friends point out these moments to prove that I am not brown enough. The sense of community I felt the minute before is gone and is instead replaced by a wave of isolation. Being uncomfortable in Desi attire heightens these feelings, but Barman knows that these traditional clothes are not made for us. The itchy, tight lehengas would heighten my insecurities as I was trying to fit into a world I didn’t belong in. Aside from the insecurities I already felt with clothing generally, wearing Indian clothing created a sense of longing, longing to fully be a part of a world I have wanted to be a part of. It may seem as though clothing does not really have an impact when it comes to belonging but when I am wearing the right Desi lehenga, I don’t have to force my way in. It comes naturally because I am creating my own version of being brown. One that Desi Is Me recognizes and exemplifies. We should not have to choose between our South Asian and American halves because our identities involve the intertwining of both. Barman wants to ensure that the clothing we wear truly reflects that.

Thoughtful clothing choices allow those in South Asian communities to prove that we are not defined by perceptions but rather how we view our communities and how we choose to present ourselves more authentically. 

Barman also adds that the way we choose to define our own culture is often a mixture of the different communities we belong in. “[The current market] just [wasn’t] a proper representation of the kind of culture that we have here, which is a mix of our Indian culture and American culture. I'm assuming a lot of other girls have felt that too. But I want to feel like the clothing that I wear to these events gives me some amount of confidence being South Asian and I feel like that kind of thing wasn't available.” 

There should not be one type of Desi attire because there is no one type of South Asian girl. Being traditional, light-skinned, and conservative is not the only way we exist. Barman is looking to break that perception by proclaiming that confidence should be the only consideration in defining beauty. Heavy, ornate lehengas have long defined the current Desi market which has usually been catered to brides or for casual events. More are finding ways to express their culture by redefining Desi clothing. 

And Barman is here to help them figure it out. “I want Desi Is Me to be that brand where [you get that confidence] and break that stereotype of [thinking about] what other people are gonna say when you wear this. If you feel confident in it and it makes you proud to be South Asian then that’s the ultimate goal,” 

There is a common phrase within the South Asian community, “log kya kahenge” which translates to “what will people say.” Most Desi girls within and outside of the diaspora have heard this phrase being said by their family and friends. At times, it seems as if there is always a watchful eye looking at all the South Asian girls, ready to criticize them as soon as they break any community traditions. When I was younger, I distinctly remember being told by aunties that wearing “short” skirts or dresses was a sign of disrespect to our very culture, which seemed like a direct contradiction to what I saw in Bollywood films. Girls would be wearing short blouses that showed their midriffs and “ghagras” (skirts) that were almost see-through. Wearing “revealing” clothing was okay from a distance but up close, “log kya khaenge” would make girls look down in shame. But Desi Is Me appeals to those girls. Even though some of the lehengas have bustier tops, the tradition is apparent and is no less traditional than the more conservative attire worn. Each lehenga carries the variegated experiences of every single Desi girl, waiting for a chance to finally feel “bindaas”. 

 One of Desi Is Me’s first releases was “The Little Black Lehenga”, a take on the American concept of a little black dress. With gold flower embellishments, the black lehenga gorgeously flows. The delicate light fabric creates an elegant silhouette and is made for the Desi girls who don’t want to be restricted while dancing at events. South Asian girls just want to have fun and Barman has designed clothing exactly for those occasions. She believes that perhaps every single South Asian-American girl deserves an outfit always in reach for when she just wants to feel beautiful in her dark, melanin skin. She knows how important this is given how the South Asian community perpetuates all kinds of expectations on young brown girls: “If you're gonna wear a covered blouse, there will be problems. If you're gonna wear a short blouse, there will be problems…”

That’s why Desi Is Me is so important in subverting the heavy expectations placed on young girls. Even so, Barman knows that there is space to improve and ensure that all brown girls are being represented. 

“We want to see a larger range of sizes or, even in terms of the current pictures [on our site that] I have out, people [say] ‘we'd love to see different colored skin’ and we want to see representation in that department as well. So I've expanded my size ranges. And the way I'm going to do that is by working with local artisans and tailors [from India]. So no commercial work. I'm learning how to stitch just so I can help make adjustments and offer more sizes. I want to listen to the people and make sure that I can get them what they want. Because that's the most important thing.”

Barman goes above and beyond to ensure that her brand is not only authentic but continues to serve her audience in every way possible. Working directly with people in India shows a desire to not just bring the Desi heritage to the Bay but to create clothing that combines tradition and modernity. 

From stitching adjustments to running financial accounts to designing all of her clothes herself, Barman’s creative and entrepreneurial prowess is self-evident. She exemplifies what it means to be an innovator while keeping her Indian roots within reach especially since a lot of her design inspiration comes from the Bollywood film, Mohabbatein. 

“I love Manish Malhotra. I always follow his work. And especially with [Mohabbatein], a lot of inspiration I got from there in terms of the type of silhouettes and the colors like all pastels... I keep things simple and flowy. And just delicate, just like they do in Bollywood,” Barman explains. Every item is named after a Hindi word, evidently paying homage to her culture. Her baby blue lehenga titled “Aaakash” translates to the sky. 

Many South Asians don’t fit the light-skinned notion of beauty but many of us don’t fit the American standard of beauty either. Desi Is Me is clothing for those in between, those who know that beauty exists outside of standards. Barman works hard to ensure that all brown women can get to a place where they can be empowered in their skin, and she knows how much other South Asian women have supported her in her endeavors. 

“[There are] these awesome accounts that really empower South Asian women in South Asian beauty...that's a phenomenal platform for me to reach. They've gotten back to me, [saying] we'd love to help you. So they've been promoting...just  South Asian empowerment. South Asian girls are beautiful. I love seeing the amount of empowerment and showcasing South Asian beauty.”

Seeing the sheer volume of South Asian influencers all ready to support Barman’s brand goes to show the necessity of the clothing Desi Is Me offers. It’s all about energy for Barman. She lives off the passion of others, which, in turn, motivates her to continue. 

“I think there can be a lot of barriers in being a part of South Asian culture. But in any capacity, if you can keep your passion close to you in the long term, just watching other people [being] so passionate about their work also is inspiring. So I think it's good to give off that kind of energy to others, too,” Barman advises young brown girls. 

When I was going into writing, I was personally met with a lot of resistance from my South Asian community but seeing people like Barman continue to pursue their passions despite the foreboding “log kya kahenge” is inspiring. She knows the risks involved but the personal fulfillment of pursuing work you are passionate about makes it worth it. And for Barman, just witnessing that passion has made her even more determined to continue working on her brand. 

Even launching during this pandemic, Barman has only been met with an enormous amount of support from South Asian women, other entrepreneurs, and communities about the importance of her brand.

In the future, Barman hopes to design clothes for university fashion shows and more. But as of right now, she wants to ensure that every single brown girl, no matter what size or what color her skin is, can be as “bindaas” as those girls depicted in South Asian films. I for one can see a future where young, brown girls are able to walk boldly in their Desi attire with no hesitation.

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